Second City’s Spin on Record Store Day

by The Second City

APR 17, 2014

April 19th is Record Store Day! To celebrate, The Second City thought we’d dust off some deep cuts to reveal the answer to this question:

What’s the first album you ever bought with your own money?

August and Everything After, Counting Crows. It turns out that “everything after” was a string of less-successful albums. –Tim Ryder, Second City e.t.c. Ensemble Member

It was Ace of Base, The Sign. And yes, I regretted it about two hours later. –Daniel Strauss, The Second City’s Incomplete Guide to Everything Ensemble Member

Rush, Presto.  Wasn’t that everyone’s first album? –Sandy Marshall, VP, SCC

GREASE! On 8-track, because I was cool. I used to sing at the top of my lungs while wearing extremely large headphones until my brother came into my room to inform me how terrible I sounded. Thanks, Paul.  –Carrie-ann Pishnak, Marketing & Communications Manager, SC Hollywood

Steely Dan, Aja. I became obsessed with this album at age 12 because we did warm-ups to the song “Peg” in choreography sessions for Boy Choir.  There’s a lot of information about me in that last sentence. –Klaus Schuller, Excutive Director, SC Canada

American Beauty, The Grateful Dead (at ARS in Winnetka – initials stood for A Record Store – they also sold bongs).  –Kelly Leonard, SC Executive Vice President

First Band on the Moon by The Cardigans, arguably the crown jewel of nineties Swedish pop music.  Why?  Because this album featured the hit single “Lovefool,” made popular by Baz Luhrmann’s 1996 masterpiece Romeo + Juliet.  Upon first viewing of the film (and Leonardo DiCaprio’s young, nubile body in a slinky chainmail costume), I knew I had at last become a woman. –Ariel Dumas, RedCo

No Doubt’s Tragic Kingdom. I was in grade school, and I don’t know where the money came from, which is seriously disturbing to me in hindsight. Lemonade stand? Couch cushions? Another child?  –Kristina Felske, SCN Contributor

My first album purchased with my own money was Paul McCartney’s Pipes Of Peace, which led to the purchase of many more lovably mediocre Paul McCartney albums through the years.” –T.J. Shanoff, Co-Creator, The Second City’s “Jewsical”

It was 1996. DJ Jazzy Jeff & Fresh Prince’s Code Red and Hanson’s MMMBop, on tape, with my allowance.  –Hope Hudson Haynes, SC Executive Assistant

My first music purchase was the cassingle of Belinda Carlisle’s “Heaven Is a Place on Earth.” I was nine. My music choices only got more stereotypically gay from there.  –Jeffrey Bouthiette, Head of the Music Program, SCTC

It was an Ace Of Base tape, because someone had to be cool in middle school. –Claire Swanson, BoxCo

Green Day, Dookie. That is, if you count “my own money” as the 1 cent for 12 CDs from Columbia House.  My dad picked out the rest.  –Natalie Shipman, TourCo Alum/Training Center Faculty

The first album I bought myself was The Rugrats Movie Soundtrack, and I’ve been a huge Busta Rhymes and Lisa Loeb fan ever since.  –Aasia LaShay Bullock, Urban Twist Ensemble Member

The first album I ever bought with fake money under a different name that probably directly affected the collapse of the company BMG was KLF’s The White Room. The first with my own diner waitress money was All Eyez on Me, 2Pac. –Nikki Pierce, SCN Contributor

Selections from Jesus Christ Superstar. I haven’t outgrown my Andrew Lloyd Webber phase. –Chrissy Borne, BizCo Account Coordinator

TLC’s CrazySexyCool because I was 11 and still 10 years away from being any of those things (except crazy; I hit that one at 18). –Caitlin Kunkel, SCN Contributor and Writing Faculty

Red Hot Chili Peppers – Blood Sugar Sex Magic (At the ripe age of 10… on cassette) –Dan Wagner, IT Manager

Leon Russell’s Carney, 1972. –Alison Riley, Producer

Eleventeen by Daisy Chainsaw. I bought it because Darlene mentioned them on an episode of Roseanne. I’m not kidding. –Jana Liles, PR and Marketing Assistant

Wilson Phillips… on tape. Still rockin’ the denim and Chynna’s short hair. Hold On. –Jessica Antes, Youth and Teen Program Assistant, SCTC

The first vinyl I purchased for myself at a garage sale was the 45 of Theme from Close Encounters of The Third Kind. It had warped in the sun. But it didn’t stop me for discoing away in front of the mirror. –Edmund O’Brien, SCTC Faculty

Cloud Nine by George Harrison. I had no idea who George Harrison was. I just liked the video for “Got My Mind Set on You.”  –Jeremy Dabbs, Communications Manager, SCTC

Piledriver: The Wrestling Album 2 (on vinyl). –Aaron Sjoholm, Operations Manager, SCTC

Janet, by Janet Jackson. So risqué! –Courtney Hummel, Account Coordinator, SCC

KoRn’s Issues album … because I have them. –Eric Schinzer, SCN Contributor

Repo Man soundtrack at Record Swap in Homewood. –Heather Whinna, Manager

My first album bought with my own money was Time by Third Day. LIVE ON, CHRISTIAN ROCK. –Katie Tyner, Manager

The neon green album cover stands out. Sugarcubes! Birthday was my jam! –Dionna Griffin-Irons, Director of Outreach & Diversity

Not even gonna lie… the first album I ever bought was Cher’s Believe. I was 10 going on 40… and practicing my inner drag queen routine. (Slowly bows head)  –Haydee Souffrant, SCC Executive Assistant

Do 45s count? If so, the first 45 I bought was “Mickey” by Toni Basil. I used my birthday money and played it almost nonstop for a month (maybe two). It created some friction in our family, but we’ve mostly moved beyond it. –Robin Hammond, Director of Marketing

The first album I bought myself was Third Eye Blind’s eponymous first album. Don’t feel bad. I had to look up what eponymous meant, too. –Tim Ottolin, SCN Contributor

Mitch Albom. –Eileen Montelione, SC LA Ensemble

The Simpsons Sing the Blues, just so I could listen to “Do the Bartman” over and over. –Rich Alfonso, SCN Contributor

In my first trip to Sam Goody, I bought cassettes of R.E.M. Green and “Weird Al” Yankovic’s Even Worse. I’m very proud of 9-year-old me having such good taste. –Cully Johnston, Box Office Manager

I remember very vividly going to Sam Goody at the mall and buying The Smith’s The Queen is Dead and Talking Heads’ Remain in Light.  Can you get anymore stereotypically weird teenager than that? –Rob Gornik, Box Office

New Kids on the Block Hangin’ Tough (1988). I saved up my allowance for that and a Jordan barbie doll! –Lisa Barber, GreenCo

The first album I ever bought was the Ghostbusters II soundtrack, featuring national treasure Bobby Brown. –C.J. Tuor, HouseCo Ensemble Member

Design of a Decade: 1986-1996,  Janet Jackson. –Emily “Miss Chapman if you’re nasty” Chapman, SCC Account Director

Nirvana, Bleach AND Incesticide, at the same time. Side note: I am wearing a flannel shirt today. –Casey Pilkenton, SCC Account Coordinator

I think it was either the Sabrina, the Teenage Witch soundtrack or a Diana Ross and the Supremes Greatest Hits CS. 9-year-old Rebecca was pretty baller. *Brushes shoulder off* –Rebecca Penn Noble, Event Coordinator

Same trip: Dire Straits’ Brothers in Arms & Howard Jones’ Dream into Action. Ah, the 80s. –Joe Ruffner, Associate Producer, SC Theatricals

Brought to you by Second City’s American Mixtape, now playing at the UP Comedy Club and coming this June to The Garner Galleria Theatre in Denver!

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Attend a Music Festival That Involves Camping/Swedish Electronica/Side Braids

You saw all those awesome Instagrams your friends posted from SXSW. Youʼre pumped for this summerʼs Lolla lineup. Coachella is just a few weeks away… maybe youʼll try to figure out a way to get there? NO YOU WONʼT. Itʼs crowded. Itʼs sweaty. The foot- pump-y hand washing stations outside the porta potties are always out of non-potable water. Admit that a nice brunch with good friends sounds a hell of a lot better way to spend a weekend.

Apply to Medical School

Remember that one time you so knew you had blepharitis? For years, your superior symptom-Googling gave you a certain… I dunno, air of medical quasi-authority. Donʼt pretend like applying to medical school never crossed your mind… because you still had time to consider a career change. So letʼs see. If you start now, you should be a full- fledged M.D. when youʼre about 47 or so. Or maybe marketingʼs not so bad, after all.

Get a Nose Job

Speaking of doctors…. Elective plastic surgery is only fun to fantasize about until a certain age. Then you have kids, and the thought of risking something going wrong for a smaller bump doesnʼt seem (as) worth it. Youʼre just going to just have to be satisfied with the mocked up “before and after” photo you got at that appointment you had a few years ago when you were really, really worried about that potentially deviated septum. On the bright side, once the kids get married, the window opens again– and you can get a whole new face, if youʼve invested your funds wisely.

Flirt with Guys Who Look Like Johnny Depp

Let me save you on this one. Hereʼs what you donʼt want to have happen:

YOU

(breathy whisper, to dirty-hot barista)

Wow. You look just like Johnny Depp.

BARISTA

Thank you, maʼam.

Also, donʼt forget the part where “You” are 9 1/2 months pregnant and are literally out of breath from the human in your gullet sitting on your lungs.

Change Your name to Samantha

If youʼve been holding on to this dream past the age of nine and/or the cancellation of Gimme a Break!, weʼve really gotta talk. Unless your name right now is Arnold, Ralph or Joshua, in which case, I totally support you and want you to know I just want you to be happy. Everyone deserves to live their all of dreams. Mostly.

 

Liz Kozak (Editor) is a writer in Chicago who would take commas and hyphens over cake and ice cream any day. She also contributes regularly at The Huffington Post and blogs about stuff at poseypieproductions.com. Follow Liz: @LizKoz

 

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Crowded CTA_630x407

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-That Million-Dollar App Idea. You know that simple-yet-amazing iPhone app idea you have? Someone else developed it last year. Just play Powerball.

-A Full Understanding of the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict. Even International Relations professors don’t know what is going on over there. Read some Wikipedia articles and call it a day.

-A Productive Day Off. So you have MLK Day off, and you’re planning on knocking out that laundry list of chores? Your bottle of Lubriderm, box of tissues, and web browser have different plans. Don’t forget to turn on “private browsing.”

-A Drinkable Beer with Fewer Than 100 Calories. No number of ads featuring giggling gal pals on a night out can change the fact that Miller64 tastes like carbonated cat urine.

-The Perfect Fedora. If Justin Timberlake looks silly wearing something, rest assured you look even sillier.

Philosophy Degree_630x407

-A Use for Your Philosophy Degree. It’s not that you’re unemployable. After all, there are lots of customer service and retail jobs available. Plus, college wasn’t a total waste of time. I’m sure you had a great time debating Ayn Rand with your buddies in the student union.

-A Valuable LinkedIn Profile. LinkedIn is an extra-boring Facebook. “I would like to add you to my professional network” might as well read “I have nothing to do today and, well, why not?”

Great American Novel_630x407

-Writing the Next Great American Novel. After a decade of writing sessions, all you’ve accomplished is getting the Starbucks barista to memorize your order. And she totally hates you.

-Fame. The odds of achieving this are so low it’s laughable. Just have a good time and push your kid into piano classes at age 3. You never know.

-Fortune. The odds of achieving this are so low it’s laughable. Just have a good time and push your failed musician of a child into an MBA program. You can live off him.

-Convincing People That Disagree With You On Something That You Are Correct. This sounds defeatist, but it’s really intended to save you time. You are not Noam Chomsky or Christopher Hitchens, so you don’t stand a chance. Just hang out with people who already agree with you and high-five each other constantly.

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-A Perfect Pushup. This is completely unattainable unless you have perfect patience and everything fun in your house perfectly breaks at the perfect time.

Occupy_630x407

-An Occupy Movement That Accomplishes Anything. I like camping too, but come on.

-A BMI in the “Healthy Range.” Diets are boring and so are conversations that revolve around them. Just put a belt on it or something if you want to feel different. You’re beautiful.

-World Peace… Ah, what the heck, we need dreams. Keep striving for this one.

 

Asher Perlman performs with iO, Second City, and Comedysportz. He also writes and performs comedy with ATV and is a winner of the Gimme 5 solo sketch competition at The Playground.

 

 

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I didn’t change my facebook profile picture to a pink equal sign.  Don’t get me wrong I support empty gestures as much as the next guy; and there’s nothing like a picture of Ernie and Burt superimposed over parallel lines to legitimize a serious political issue.  I’m just not entirely on board with gay marriage or heterosexual marriage either.  Sure, I’m a married man (very happily if my wife is reading this) but marriage is an institution that blurs the line between Church and State.  A couple can get married in a church or a courthouse by a reverend or a judge, where else does this crossover exist?  You can’t serve your jury duty in a church choir (although that could make for an hilarious Jack McBrayer movie).  You can’t pay your taxes with prayers (I tried).

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