Last week, Clemson sophomore Mackenzie Pearson lit the internet on fire with her article claiming that women love the “dad bod,” the body type that says, “I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time.”
While this is a welcome breakthrough for men who are constantly judged by their bodies, some people have pointed out the double standard and wondered, where’s the college sophomore male celebration of women with less-than-perfect bodies?
The Second City Network was granted exclusive rights to this previously unpublished article about the Mom Bod, included in its entirety below:
by Clemson junior Ethan Riley
Fellas, I know what a lot of you are thinking: you go to the bar, or the gas station, or the 24-hour pharmacy, and there’s a slammin’ lady standing there, drinking a drink, pumping gas, or picking up an antibiotic for her teething three-year-old. And you’re all like, “Damn, that’s everything I want in a woman right there,” but there’s no way to describe to your bros why she’s the hottest thing you’ve ever seen.
Gentlemen, I’m here to ease you of that burden–it’s called mom bod, and we all want it.
It’s the body that says, “I have ushered new life into this world at the expense of my own well-being, pushing another human body out of my own in what is nothing short of a miracle, and I am at the mercy of genetics and scheduling and overwhelming fatigue in my efforts to return my body to its former glory.” You know, a chick who probably swam in college, but didn’t have kids until her 30s, so it’s going to be more of a challenge to get back to her pre-pregnancy weight.
And guys are going nuts for it! Sure, we love ladies of every shape and size (I mean what are we, complete assholes??), but there’s something about the softness and approachability of a dame with mom bod that we can’t resist. Here are a few reasons why dudes are digging the mom bod:
Nothing says, “I can handle anything that life throws at me” quite like a mom bod. If a woman can endure the emotional roller coaster of pregnancy and the physical gauntlet that is childbirth,imagine what she must be like in the sack! Ready for anything, daunted by nothing.
While a lot of women hit the gym right after giving birth in an effort to adhere to society’s absolutely insane standards of female physical beauty, the girl with the mom bod lets you know that she can sit back, relax and relent to the fact that she gets two and a half hours of non- consecutive sleep and should really save her energy for taking care of the baby. And if she can take care of the baby, you KNOW she can take care of you – you hardly ever soil yourself!
Have you ever tried to lay your head on a washboard? Um, no thanks. I’ll take the Tempur-Pedic pillow that is the midsection of a woman who gave up drinking for more than nine months in a selfless endeavor to make life. My sleep number is “mom.”
Because she couldn’t do it during her pregnancy, LOL.
Mom bods might not be perfectly mirroring society’s idea of physical beauty, but I mean, look at her eyes dance when her baby smiles, or the way her nose crinkles when she laughs, or listen to the soothing tone she takes that somehow makes that unruly toddler sit still.
Marvel at her lighthearted laugh while she effortlessly picks him up and slings him on her hip while she simultaneously—even magically—pulls her keys from her purse and answers her phone.
Imagine how amazing and generous she must be, not only with her physical strength, but also with her emotional and mental energy. That kind of love, that kind of touch almost seems too much to comprehend. You should be so lucky to even lay eyes on such a creature, much less come into actual, physical contact with her. I mean, if that doesn’t get you hard, what will?!
So ladies, rock those mom bods ‘til the break of day. Hell, even if you’ve never given birth, you should be able to enjoy pizza and wings and dollar draft nights like the rest of us. The mom bod is the hottest, because if we aren’t expected to care, why should you?
Lindsey Finn is a Chicago freelance writer and performer. She can be seen regularly at the Annoyance Theatre. This is a pilot she helped make. And this is her tweeting:@LindseyMFinn.
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