Looks Like the Race is Tightening Between Republican Candidate Jim Gilmore and Me, Alan Linic

Below is a rush transcript of Linic’s speech.

Ladies and gentlemen, they said it could not be done. They said that there was no way that a non-candidate, a registered Democrat in Illinois, a person who absolutely was not running for the Republican presidential nomination could possibly beat his rival: fellow Virginian and former governor Jim Gilmore. They may have been right, but in last night’s Iowa caucus, I came damn close.

Last night, I, Alan Linic, was only 12 votes behind Jim Gilmore in perhaps the most important presidential race in recent American history.

Yes, friends, supporters, fellow Americans. We lost last night. We only obtained zero votes against Gilmore’s twelve, out of the 180,000 people who caucused on the Republican side. But it’s hard not to count this monumental closing of the gap between our campaign and Governor Gilmore’s as a victory. Just two days ago, a poll of Iowans likely to caucus showed us at an abysmal “who?” percent of voter support. In less than 48 hours, our support multiplied by literally infinity to net us an astounding zero percent in the caucus. Statistically speaking, and especially by delegate count, we have tied our biggest rival in the campaign.

Here’s the part that’s important: the #InItToLinic hashtag did not trend on Twitter, which makes it just as significant in the social media zeitgeist and the Gilmore campaign’s #Gilmomentum Twitter push. We raised and spent just about as much money as Gilmore did in the state of Iowa. All in all, we matched him on every single level, except one: that I am not actually a viable or official candidate for the GOP.

Am I constitutionally eligible to run for President of the United States? No, I am not. Did I get a single vote in Iowa? Absolutely not. But will we fight on? Yes. Yes, we will. With this showing in Iowa, it is only a matter of time before Gilmore feels the pressure of my easily stoppable machine and drops out of the race with not a penny left in funds. From there, we can take our war of attrition up to the next rung of the ladder: Rick Santorum.

Thank you, all none of you, for your support. I will see you in New Hampshire, and God bless America.

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Alan Linic (@alanlinic) is not running for president. Follow more of his writing at nomadwriting.tumblr.com.