NFL Cheerleaders Don’t Need Anymore, Like, Money and Stuff

Cheerleaders are shaking their pom poms over a New York state judge’s ruling that the Buffalo Bills’ “Jills” can move forward with a class action lawsuit against the NFL team demanding better wages. Better wages? For real? For one second it’s like everyone went insane and forgot this is a country where headline news the day after the president’s final State of the Union address is that his wife wore marigold.

Here’s why handing out more money to this group of professionals is the worst idea ever.

Moms already exist

The idea that we should pay female people to be positive and encouraging is outrageous. That’s what moms are for. And all those football players already have moms, who cheer them on for FREE, plus heat up Chunky soup for their boys.

Football is NOT about fanfare

Those men work hard for their millions of dollars, touchdown dances, DUIs and domestic abuse charges. Paying cheerleaders a decent wage to support these guys would make this sport look like a circus.

YouTube is readily available

If I need to see a choreographed dance to “Happy,” I can just YouTube it. No reason to pay for it live. Besides, I’d much rather watch an average white dude go through the generic motions of a lackluster proposal to his girlfriend.

What message are we sending little boys?

This is a sport that shows boys what they CAN be–overpaid, entitled, man-babies. When we pay women enough to make a living wage, we show these boys they should treat them as equals. THAT IS NOT MY AMERICA!

Because world hunger

What if– instead of paying cheerleaders more–we used that money to help out poor people? I mean, imagine all the lives we could better? Mouths we could feed? While those poor pro football players struggle to make seven figures, these selfish cheerleaders could use their income for actual good. Come on, ladies. Show some compassion.

They get cute costumes. What else do they need?

People call them “pretty” or “hot” or “attractive” or “bangable.” That’s payment enough.

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Becca Taubel is a former Varsity Cheerleader for the Gainesville High School Red Elephants. She was really good at standing in the back of every formation. Follower her at @btaubs or beccataubel.com