The SCN Primer: Who Is Kim Davis?

With everyone from anonymous homophobes in YouTube comment sections to identified homophobes you went to high school with clogging your Facebook feed participating, the  marriage equality “debate” raged across the United States for a decade—until June, when the Supreme Court ruled same-sex marriage a constitutional right. With their trademark grace and aplomb, America’s bigots respectfully conceded defeat on the issue and quietly accepted the legal rights of same-sex couples.

Oh, wait! I’m thinking of how it would have gone if “Traditional Marriage” advocates were reasonable people! My mistake. What I meant to say is that opponents of marriage equality have continued to beat their dead horse by rallying around Kim Davis, the Kentucky County Clerk jailed for refusing to issue same-sex marriage licenses.

Who is Kim Davis?

Kim Davis is the publicly elected Clerk of Rowan, a county in Eastern Kentucky presumably named after Mr. Bean creator Rowan Atkinson (citation needed). She was first elected last fall, has worked for the Clerk’s Office for 27 years, and—most relevant to her current notoriety—won’t do her job if God doesn’t tell her to.

Though, if God talks to her, one wonders why he doesn’t tell her to get a better haircut.

Davis won’t issue civil marriage licenses to same-sex couples, nor did she allow any of her deputies to do so, for “personal, religious reasons.” As a member of the Church Of Latter-Day-Bigoted-Ideology-And-Arbitrary-Discrimination, Davis believes that “God’s Authority” outweighs that of the Governor, Federal Court Of Appeals, and Supreme Court—all of which have directed her to STFU and get back to work to no avail. Finally last Thursday, she was thrown in jail for contempt of court after months of refusing to perform her elected duties.

And if neglecting your duties lands you in jail, can we extend this to other elected officials? A few come to mind. Like all of Congress.

So that’s the end of the story, right?

Wrong! While a pathetic scofflaw in the eyes of many, Kim Davis has become a martyr for some. And by “some,” I mean the same bigots and homophobes that tried so desperately to oppose marriage equality before Obergefell v. Hodges—the Supreme Court decision that guarantees same-sex marriage (not to mention the name of my fav Kraftwerk song). Everyone from presidential candidates to political advocacy organizations are offering Davis support. And by “support,” I mean they are riding the wave of publicity to advance their insane religious freedom agenda. And by “religious freedom agenda,” I mean the Christian Religious Freedom agenda. I somehow doubt they would be so quick to defend a Scientologist clerk that refuses marriage licenses on the basis of high Thetan levels.

Indeed, Kim Davis’ legal representation comes courtesy of the misleadingly-named Liberty Council, a well-funded organization devoted to the defense of “Christian Religious Liberty” that argues that the Supreme Court does not have the “Constitutional Authority” to legalize same-sex marriage, despite, oh I dunno, Article III Section 2 of said Constitution explicitly granting such authority.

Presidential candidate and Duggar defender Mike Huckabee says jailing Kim Davis proves there is a “Criminalization of Christianity” in the U.S., though if that’s the case, one wonders why churches are still open and tax-exempt. Or why the only religion represented in Federal holidays are Christian. Or why HE’S NOT IN JAIL FOR SAYING THAT. Of course, it’s because the Liberty Council and Mike Huckabee are primarily defending the right of a person to use religion as a justification for discriminatory practice. And for them, Kim Davis is the perfect symbol to promote their narrative and solicit donations from like-minded folk.

Now, Kim Davis’ religious bonafides are somewhat inconsistent. Despite the Bible’s clear perspective on divorce and adultery (hint: it’s against it), Kim Davis boasts a personal marriage history fit for All My Children. She’s been married four times, thrice divorced, was impregnated by Husband #3 while married to Husband #1, convinced Husband #2 to adopt those kids, switched to Husband #3 before finally settling on Husband #2 who is also Husband #4. …THE ARISTOCRATS!

Such a complicated family tree/wreath would seem to violate Biblical marriage standards at least as much as same-sex marriage does, but Kim Davis says she underwent her religious conversion in 2011. And you’ve gotta hand it to a person that holds so tightly to the principles she decided to hypocritically judge others by four years ago.

So what happens now?

After five long days in the slammer, Davis was granted a conditional release. So barring, say, the jail clerk arbitrarily refusing to sign her release forms, she is free to return to work and enjoy the perks of being a hero to people everywhere.

So far, GoFundMe has nixed fundraisers for her and the Westboro Baptist Church has decided to protest against her in a classic bigot-off. But thanks to the Liberty Council, Huckabee, and various other anti-gay marriage advocates, Davis is sure to see a waves of support outside her cell and on the Facebook walls of angry jerks for months to come. Or until she decides to respect the rule of law and uphold the Constitution like she vowed when elected. Whichever comes first.

Ned Petrie (@NedPetrie) is a writer and 6-time Canadian Comedy Award nominee. He is a writer and performer on Night Sweats, which airs on Adult Swim Canada this fall. Ned is also the creator and host of The Panel Show, a game show pilot currently in development with CBC Radio. And if you follow him on Twitter, he’ll give you ONE MILLION BUCKS.